I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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