this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
