You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
