im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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