yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
