Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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