I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
