Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
