I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
