dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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