I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
