Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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