I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
