ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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