she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
