i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
