Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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