Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
