question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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