A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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