the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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