were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
