Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
