Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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