K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
