My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
