I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
