It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The beer is more important than you right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
