i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
