my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
