its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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