i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
