my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize