The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
