I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
