woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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