I bet he comes in French.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
