we're chasing vodka with high fives
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
