CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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