Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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