she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
