I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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