He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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