i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
