The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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