do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
