i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize