I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize