then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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