i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
