"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
