i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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