I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
