i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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