Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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