Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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