Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
